“Oh the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God. Oh, it chases me down, fights till I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine. I couldn’t earn it and I don’t deserve it, still, You give Yourself away…” These are the words of the well-known song by Cory Asbury and they are so true!

When you give your life to God with all of your heart, it means you have made the decision to trust the King of the universe with it. And as you start living a life of surrender, you start to embark on a journey which will turn out to be a rollercoaster ride like none you have ever experienced and worth every moment! To allow Him to do what He wants to do in and through you will mean that there will sometimes be the greatest Peace in the midst of storms, there will be treats when you least expect it, there will be rest like no holiday resort on earth can offer and there will also be extremes – extreme tough times, extreme awesomeness, extreme adventures, extreme sacrifices, extreme long-suffering required, extreme faith required and extreme rewards given. Because we serve an extreme God, a self-revealing God. One Who dwells within us. A God Who does not hold back. When we give our EVERYTHING, He also gives His EVERYTHING.

“The greatest freedom lies in surrender, but its tough at first.” – Unknown

In May 2011 God showed me a picture one morning of a table heavily laden with the most delicious looking food you can imagine. I saw Him sitting at the table and in this picture, I was standing behind Him. In my heart, He was asking me “Why are you not sitting with me at this table and eating what I have prepared for you?”. I was shocked. I did not know why? My reaction was “Lord, I have given my life to you and each day my desire is for more of you, I even work for you – why am I not sitting at the table? I don’t understand? He then started talking to me about laying down my Isaac… (Gen.22:1-19)

My “Isaac” was a lifelong passion I had, I grew up with it, as a child I dreamed of this passion and I even made books filled with carefully glued-in pictures of it which I had cut out of magazines. After my studies, I pursued this passion and worked in that industry. It became my identity. In 2007 I got saved, I met my Best Friend, fell head over heels in love with Him and by the start of 2010 God called me into full-time ministry and out of the industry that I was previously working in. I, now, had two passions. The second was Jesus and being used by Him. I loved every moment of it. But, unknowingly, my identity was still firmly rooted in who I thought I was before I got saved. To be honest, it consumed most of me. During many conversations with people, I would bring up my past and my passion. I had not yet found my identity in Christ. By using this beautiful picture of the table, God was showing me that, because I have not found my true identity yet, I am missing out on so much! I can not yet “feast” on all the abundance and goodness He has prepared for me. I cannot yet sit at the table with Him and have true fellowship with Him. I was about to be taken deeper in my relationship with Him…

“The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self – all your wishes and precautions- to Christ.” C.S. Lewis

I made my decision to lay down my Isaac as an offering. All of me for all of Him, remember? I did not want to miss out on this friendship with Him. A year later, I was directly faced with my Isaac again while visiting with friends over the holidays. It’s easy to decide when you have removed yourself from your Isaac but it’s different when you are faced with him and you realise you are still holding the knife and you have not offered him yet. Though by then, I had chosen to lay it down for Jesus and I had just started discovering who I was in Him, this was a test to see how much I had really been “laying it down”. It felt like a part of me (what seemed like the biggest part) was being torn away. I was in emotional agony and I remember my last day and how I realised that soon I will be back to reality as this visit was coming to an end and, this time, I will really be leaving my Isaac behind. I was sitting with God that morning and what came from my heart, tears streaming down my face was the song: “I surrender all, I surrender all. All for Jesus…”  Never before have I sung this song in a church or anywhere, coming from such a deep place in my heart and meaning it, knowing that it will cost me but still choosing to sing it. With all of my heart, I had chosen Him and truly surrendered even if this meant forever. I was a new person now. Over the years, since then, I have learnt that I can enjoy my first passion but that it will never be my identity again. “Christ in me” has become my identity. I had made that mind and heart shift 100 %. God has been taking me on this journey of “self-discovery”, showing me things I loved that I would never have thought I would. And, slowly but surely, He has been in the ongoing process of shaping me and moulding me the way I was created to be. You see, I have found when Christ is in it then I am truly happy. I had to go through all of this in order to realise that my favourite place is in His will. So I ask you today – who are you? What is your identity? On this date in 2012 of truly surrendering my all to Jesus, I wrote in my diary:   “I surrender all! Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Mary had to give up her life when the angel appeared to her. From there on things definitely did not become easier, rather the opposite! But the King of all kings was born out of her!” And God is singing over me and you today… “I have a plan for you, Its gonna be wild, it’s gonna be great, it’s gonna be full of Me. Open up your heart and let Me in…”

“The glory of God always comes at the sacrifice of self…” – AW Tozer